Am I Smart Enough?

Prior to deciding I wanted to be a software engineer, I was a fashion designer, real estate photographer, grocery store cash office clerk, etc etc. Name a career/study path and most likely I've considered studying it or actually and started just never finished.

For some reason (money lol) I got the itch that I wanted to study software engineering, specifically focusing on web3 development. So off to Coursera I went to take a web3 course not realizing I needed to already know a programming language (JavaScript in this case).

Once I saw I needed to create a coupon bazaar website using JavaScript I went to good ol' Youtube University and typed in "JavaScript tutorials for beginners" and let me tell you... was I completely lost trying to understand what the person was saying. Knowing myself, and knowing that if I went down the self-taught path I would never actually learn any programming languages I decided to look into bootcamps. Some of the bootcamps I found have crazy strict guidelines for accepting students, others have horrible reviews all over the web, but thankfully I found a bootcamp that I felt was welcoming enough to anybody wanting to learn programming AND had better than average reviews.

The first week I did well, went through the simple introductory module, and I was on top of the world. Then came the 2nd, 3rd, 4th.... modules and all the confidence I had was gone.

Granted I was working part-time, taking care of my son full-time, as well as doing any chores that needed to be done around the house, but I started falling behind on my coursework, and quickly! I was so stressed I developed an allergy, and to top things off my first mock interview with a bootcamp mentor went horribly... I could not even write a simple function and the feedback I got left me feeling defeated.

I started questioning whether I am even smart enough to switch careers from being a photographer/designer to software engineering. I was never good at math or problem solving, and I certainly do not think rationally or logically in the way "engineers" do.

The past 3 months have been very difficult for me in regards to coding; sometimes I do well solving the problems on my own, but quite often I don't even know what the assessments are asking of me, and if I do understand the question, I don't know how to even start solving it. The bootcamp does a well enough job of introducing us to the basics needed to get a job, but I often find myself looking to outside resources over and over again on Youtube, Google, Github forums... and I feel like I still don't understand what is going of half of the time. I know that I have only been learning how to code a very short amount of time, but I just would like to know if things will ever stick in my brain, and when they do, will I understand what I'm even doing?

I've decided I'm going to keep a digital journal of my journey in case I am a senior developer 10 years down the line, that way I can look back on how I started and what things were like for me in the beginning. I also want to find individuals like me who come from artistic backgrounds, who have a lot going on in their lives, and are making the sacrifice of having a social life, having hobbies, just so they can code 12 hours a day.

Over the next few weeks I am going to concentrate on doing projects unrelated to coursework from the bootcamp to see if one of these tutorials will be the key to me understanding coding!